Debriefing on Church

Church should not cause me more anxiety. I went to church today, since I hadn't been since before Christmas. And I left discouraged, frustrated, and sad.

Problems with the national church body?

I was impressed that our pastor actually mentioned what's going on in Haiti. He even fit in pictures of televangelists (including Pat Robertson) to show who is *not* necessarily a "super fan" of Jesus. (our sermon series is about being an "over the top fan.") Heck, I was even impressed that he gave information about Lutheran disaster relief, as sometimes we have been directed to some other Christian non-profit. Yet, when giving information about Lutheran disaster relief he said, "For as many problems as our national church body has, this is something they do really well." No denomination is perfect; I get that. But to publicly call out the denomination (when no praise is ever offered), rubbed me the wrong way. And at that point, it was hard for me to really engage what was going on. I just kind of checked out.

Is God's grace really enough?

We sang a worship song that said, "Remember your people, remember your children, remember your promise, oh God. Your grace is enough...your grace is enough for me." During the line of remember your people, remember your children, all I could think of was the pictures I have seen of Haiti and the faces behind the tragedy. I sang those words as a prayer for these people. But is God's grace really enough? That sounds like such a privileged theology. Grace doesn't feed people, heal their wounds, or provide them with clean drinking water. I don't have the whole theodicy question answered, but rather than celebrating God's grace, right now I am clinging to the hope that God is with the victims and is suffering with them.

Other thoughts

I am starting to wonder why my church is Lutheran. Why stay Lutheran when there is little involvement in the denomination, and the only sign of being Lutheran is the words Lutheran ELCA on the sign out front? I am not saying they should leave the denomination over some petty difference. If they left the ELCA, I would likely find a new church. But what are the reasons for their association with the ELCA? What are the benefits? As much as I would like to say denominations don't matter; they do. That isn't to say that salvation is exclusive to certain denominations. It's not. However, denominations allow a group of churches to accomplish so much more; to organize and cooperate with one another. Why does my church choose to associate with the ELCA when a lot of people probably couldn't tell you what ELCA stands for, when the churchwide assembly was, who the presiding bishop is, and what Lutheran theology is. I know, not everyone will be a Lutheran expert. But why does my church choose to say associated with the ELCA rather than, say, the Willow Creek Association? I don't know.

This has made me feel so discouraged. I have, for some time, looked online for other Lutheran churches in the area. The number of ELCA churches seem few. Up here, LCMS and WELS seem more widespread. Plus, leaving scares me. I have a small group that has become my community and my friends. If it is not close, it's harder to make myself go. And it's easy to get lost in the search and just give up.

I know this post isn't highly theological or academic. But what it is, is real. I needed to sort of debrief on my experience at church, this morning, in hopes that maybe it would ease my anxieties, quell my anger, and calm me down.

I Am Not a Practical Theologian

I am a theologian. That sounds pretentious, but it's what I do, and it's what I want to do with the rest of my live. It is my intended vocation. It is my passion. I love theology.

I define theology as, "Attempting to speak faithfully about God in a way that is life-giving and liberating to all of creation." The criteria that theology must be life-giving and liberating is a non-negotiable to me. If Jesus came to bring life and to set people free (in a myriad of ways), then theology must reflect this.

I do not consider myself a practical theologian. Admittedly, I am sometimes guilty of scoffing at "practical theologians" or those who receive "practical ministry" degrees. That's not the right attitude. I know. However, I truly do not consider myself a practical theologian in the technical sense of the word.

However, in spite of this, I do care about how theology is affects people's lives. I often find myself asking "So what?" Sitting around thinking about "God," and not rooting that thought in that which is revealed in Jesus seems pointless and self-indulgent. I have no interest in philosophical theology that is rooted in theory and assumptions with no real application.

See, theology is more than just a cerebral exercise between us and God. Our theology has implications for us, those around us, and the world. Perhaps this is why doing theology in community is an attractive option. We all have stories; all of our stories are different. Theology intersects the story of God with our stories, and the more stories we include in that, the more we can ensure that theology is, indeed, life-giving and liberating. Not just for you; not just for me--for all of creation.

When our theology proclaims an eschatological vision of the future that is void of any concern for the here and now, we are apt to forget about the fragility and giftedness of creation. When our theology promotes a view of the atonement that promotes sacrifice as the highest virtue, we are sending the wrong (and dangerous!) message to women experiencing domestic violence. When our god-talk is male-centered all the time, we are perhaps alienating the girl whose father molests her. When our theology claims faith in God eradicates sickness and promises healing, we are sending a confusing message to those who have prayed for healing and have received none. When our theology is based on view of humanity that promotes heterosexism and views homosexuals as "sinful," we are failing to honor our sisters and brothers, by failing to honor that they, too, are made in the image of God.

I am not a practical theologian. However, I do contend that it is imperative that we consider how our theology is heard or read by others. What message does it send to those around us? How does it affect other humans, and ultimately the world?

Theology is a powerful thing. Bad theology has the ability to hurt, wound, and destroy. However, theology-done-rightly has the potential to empower, heal, and liberate. Which one will your theology be?

Who is Jesus?

I remember the day I became a feminist. I was in a systematic theology class during my junior year of college. This picture was passed around, and reactions were solicited:

The picture might be a bit hard to see, but it is Jesus, portrayed as a bare-breasted woman, hanging on a cross.

The reaction from one older, male student stood out to me. As we all talked about women's oppression and Jesus' identification with it, he said, "Women are not oppressed in the church." That was it. That was the moment. Right there.

I responded to the student, Tom, and said, "How can you say women are not oppressed by the church when there are some churches where women can't even speak, let alone preach." I'm sure I said other stuff that day, and women's oppression by the church has become even clearer to me.

Really, though, this conversation was larger than Tom's feeling that women were not oppressed by the church. It was about the image of God Tom, and others, have in their heads. I am certain Jesus' being portrayed as a woman created even greater irritation and unsettled feelings in Tom. However, I can't help but wonder if there would have been similar reactions to a picture of Jesus that strayed from the pretty, white Jesus with soft, wavy hair.

In the class for which I am a TA, we looked at various images of Jesus, which by the nature of faith, are various images of God. Here are some examples of how Jesus has been portrayed in art, over the centuries and throughout the world:

These are just a few of the vast number of images. Some critics might suggest this is making God into our own image, rather than us being made into God's. However, Jesus identified with humanity--all of humanity. He sides with the oppressed, for in the crucifixion, he identified with those who have faced persecution and death. Jesus knows our struggles, and the representation of Jesus can take on many forms. Jesus is the battered woman. Jesus is the gay teenager who is fearful of coming out and who faces ridicule from his peers. Jesus is the poor, working mother. Jesus is the man who struggles with the pressures of being a "real man" and providing for his family. Jesus is.

ELCA CWA and Human Sexuality

The pastor of my church finally has responded to the ELCA's actions on human sexuality. Below is his letter. Below that is my response to him, as I felt it was important for him to know I appreciated him bringing this position to light, but also that we were not in agreement. (I fear more people, than not, agree with his stance.

9/16/2009

To my dear Joy! family,

During the Churchwide Assembly (August 17-23, 2009) of our denomination, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA), many decisions with wide-ranging impacts were made. Over one thousand delegates from around the country, pastors and lay members, gathered to vote on various proposals. They approved a resolution that puts us in “full-communion” with the United Methodist Church. Funding and strategies were approved around the issues of HIV and AIDS as well as fighting Malaria in sub-Saharan Africa. It was, however, the issue of sexuality that provided the most outside attention and certainly the most press coverage.

A social statement called “Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust” was approved by a two- thirds requirement. Social statements are documents that attempt to provide an analysis and interpretation of an issue through theological and ethical perspectives in order to offer guidance.

This document addresses everything from a basic Lutheran theological approach to social issues to the blessing of our sexuality and the abuse of sexuality. In a section named “Lifelong monogamous same-gender relationships” the document points out that within the ELCA people are not of one mind regarding the issues around homosexuality. While it does not actually take a definitive stand, it encourages people to respect each other in their deliberations, decisions and convictions. It is simply a statement and does not require any action by churches.

Some other important resolutions were approved regarding the standards for rostered leaders which includes pastors. The wording of the central resolution is as follows:

RESOLVED, that the ELCA commit itself to finding a way for people in such publicly accountable, lifelong, monogamous, same-gender relationships to serve as rostered leaders of this church.

The phrase “finding a way” is significant. First, there is currently not a generally accepted means for providing an accountable covenant (civil or religious), such as there is through marriage. In order that there might be such a covenant the assembly also passed a resolution to “find a way” for that to be possible. It is unclear how this will happen.

The other resolution that is important to know about is that congregations will be allowed to decide for themselves if they will call rostered leaders in same-sex relationships. If a congregation, bound by its conscience did not want to call a homosexual pastor in a committed, accountable relationship, it would not be required to do so. The resolution simply makes it possible, but at this point the means by which

this will all happen is not in place.

How do these decisions impact Joy! Lutheran Church? In a practical sense it doesn’t change anything at Joy!. Sometime in the future, if it chose to do so, Joy! could call a homosexual pastor in a “publicly accountable, lifelong, monogamous” relationship, without losing its status as a congregation of the ELCA. This would be an option, but it would not be required. Homosexual pastors have been able to serve in ELCA

congregations in the past, but like single heterosexual pastors, they are required to be celibate.

During the past several years we have not joined the ELCA’s conversation about these matters. It may have been good to have raised this issue before the Assembly’s historic vote, but we didn’t. For my part, having come to Joy! in the midst of upheaval, I believed there were more important issues to address in order to clarify and carry out our mission into the future.

As for me, these decisions have brought up some conflicting feelings as well as some important convictions that I would like to share with you.

• First of all, I know that I cannot please everyone with my views and that no matter what I say, someone will be unhappy. My purpose in writing this letter is not to upset anyone; rather it is to inform you so that we can have the necessary dialog.

• I have had gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances that I have cared for deeply. We have shared life and faith in meaningful ways. I can’t help but think of them…of their gifts, struggles and faith. One of our stated core values says that we will “Accept each person as they are.” My hope is that we mean what we say. I also hope and expect that none of us will remain “as we are” when we encounter and live in the transforming power of God through this faith community.

• While I have wrestled with these issues through the years I remain within the general orthodoxy of the church which states that homosexuality is sin. For me it means that I will not preside at the blessing of a same-gendered union or support the hiring of a homosexual pastor in a committed relationship at Joy!. Please understand that this is not a mere moralization, but a view shaped by the church, scripture and theology. Having been a pastor in the ELCA for 20 years now, I have listened to the arguments of those who are celebrating these decisions. Many are friends and teachers who have, with honesty and integrity, also wrestled with these issues. While I am not convinced that the church’s teaching for two thousand years should be overturned, I will continue to engage in the conversation. I trust that my friends and teachers will also.

• I am concerned that we have made sexual sins the greater sins and among sexual sins we’ve made same gender sex the greatest sin. Scripture doesn’t provide a hierarchy of sin. Any honest look at our sexual thoughts and actions will show all of us our brokenness. Because sin distorts our relationship with God and the image of God in us, we are all called to confession and repentance. “…all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23-24).

• I have lived with my friends, teachers, Bishops, pastors and lay leaders in the ELCA for 20 years now. I have not always agreed with the decisions made or the processes followed, but I have chosen to stay in relationship with them. I trust that God’s will is done somehow in the mess of our daily living and difficult decisions as the church. So the question is, “What will we do now?”

I suggest that we strive to move forward with the mission, initiatives and goals that God has led Joy! to fulfill. While we prayerfully consider what all of this might mean or not mean to our future, let’s not move away from our central focus or do anything to hurt the Joy! community. I would be sorry that anyone would leave Joy! because of the assembly’s vote, but I understand that it might happen. My invitation to you is to join together and focus on our mission to “reach our neighbors with Christ’s radical love so that all our lives are changed.”

I caution you to share accurate information from reliable sources rather than passing on assumptions and rumors. The fabric of our community is at stake. Please include me in your conversations and know that I will be glad to meet with you about any concerns. My email address is ___________ and the church office phone number is ________. If you would like to look at the resolutions that were passed by the ELCA Churchwide Assemble go to www.elca.org.

We are blessed to be together at this time in our congregation’s history. We have the opportunity to witness to the world around us God’s most precious gift…his one and only Son.

May the peace of Christ be with you always!

Pastor Scott

My response:

Thank you for your letter regarding the actions on human sexuality, as taken at the ELCA Church Wide Assembly. I closely followed the CWA, as it was happening, and I was hoping you would address these actions, as I think it's important for the congregation to know what is going on in the denomination-at-large. Although our responses and positions differ regarding this denominational legislation, I am thankful there is room for all opinions, as we seek to radically love--and not merely tolerate--all of God's children.

Again, thanks for your words.

Peace,

Heather

Responding so peacefully to something I believe in strongly does not come naturally to me. I hope I made it clear, without being abrasive, of where I stand on the issue. As if it even matters.

September 11

**Written 9-13-2001, two days after the attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center**

This whole time of tragedy has truly affected me more than I would have ever anticipated. It has me thinking a lot about so many different things, and there is nothing simple about it.

My sentiments vary from that of the typical american. Of this, I am convinced. Let me start by saying that the acts of violence have been truly horrendous. They are TERRIBLE, and among all of my thoughts, not one is denying the horrible nature of this tragedy.

However, like I said, my sentiments are very atypical of your average american. Not once have I felt patriotic during all of this. I don't necessarily feel that my COUNTRY was attacked, nor do I know if it is a time for nationalism. I think we should hurt just as much regardless of who was killed. Also, I think often the United States arrogantly totes itself around like the Mighty USA that is invincible, and somewhere people are laughing that 4 plane crashes nearly brought us down, if even for a day.

The obvious question lately has been, "now what?" A popular consensus is to launch a military attack or to hunt down Osama Bin Laden and kill him. First of all, it is too early to be too sure who has done this. Second of all, as a pacifist and conscientious objector, and most of all a Christian, I never think that violent attacks, whether against nations or individuals, are appropriate.

So, now what? Of course I say pray for the victims and their families. That is highly important, but to simply end at that is a cheap answer. It is like we simply want to be detached from everyone's problems. However, Christ presents us with a very radical answer-- "You have heard an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth...but I tell you to love your enemies and pray for those who hate you." Wow...love your enemies...pray for those who HATE you, rather than perpetuating the hate. That is radical. To try to administer justice through violence is believing that our human capabilities can somehow bring resolution. However, to put it into the hands of God through prayer and to love, even when you have been wronged, is showing that we, in our human-ness, are inadequate and that God can bring justice in a completely new way, other than violence.

My prayer: Heavenly Father. Thank you for the day you have given us. Thank you for being the same God you are today that you were Monday, before the chaos began. May we learn to praise you and give thanks, amidst the tragedy. Please, bring your spirit of comfort to us today. Fill us with your love. Fill us so that we, too, may love with your love. Help us look to your Word, knowing that we can only love our enemies with your help. Give us your peace, and help us pursue peace. Guide our leaders to make the best decisions according to your will. Break through the hatred and pain. Unite us not only as a country, but as a world. Open us up to learn from this and to receive and administer love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. We thank you God for all you do. And it is in the name of your Son who, too, was the victim of hate in violence that we pray this. Amen

Community

Tomorrow will be my first church service since I started really thinking about church, the ELCA, and where I fit in. As I tend to sometimes be sarcastic and critical, my goal is to be charitable. After all, this is my community whom I love.

This weekend, we hosted our small group from church. It's a social/fellowship small group. We get together just to talk, play games, and eat. I admit, I felt a bit guilty being around them after having some semi-critical thoughts about my church. I want to clarify that I don't think my church is bad, and I am not critical of its existence. Instead, I am critical of it in terms of where I am and what I am "needing" from a church. (I hope that doesn't sound completely self-centered or self-serving)

I felt guilty, I suppose because here is a group of people that has become my community--something that had been missing from my life for quite some time. As I write this or dialogue on Twitter, I almost feel like I am "hiding" something from them. It's silly, I know. It's just a strange feeling I got.

But as I said, they are my community. We have great times together--laughing a lot! When we have done special Bible/book studies in the past, we openly share our struggles and concerns, and we pray with and for one another. When our car broke down at church, one of our friends gave us a ride home. When I apologized, he said, "Isn't that why we have friends?" When we needed a ride to the rental car place, a friend (who was very pregnant at the time and on her way to an OB appointment) made time to take B to get the car. When we moved to our new townhouse, a friend brought us dinner so we didn't have to worry about it that night. Also, when we moved, friends let us borrow their steam cleaner. When I had bronchitis, a friend offered to let me borrow a humidifier. When I had anxiety from my steroids, she offered to come sit with me, if I needed someone to just be here. I am blown away by the generosity of this community, and it is something I try to return--through cooking a meal for the new parents, offering to babysit for a friend who's in a pinch, or just making myself available, however I am needed.

It is really this community--these friends--who allow me to stay where I am, for now. I am part of a larger community of faith, but this smaller community allows me to connect with people in a real and genuine way. As I said, I have not had that for a very long time.

Oh, how good and pleasant it is, when people live together in (comm)unity! Psalm 133:1

Tradition

Often, I think we mistake the word "traditional" for "stuffy" or "conservative." In some contexts these other words may be synonymous or even more accurate. However, recently, I have been considering what "traditional" worship is.

At the root of the word "traditional" is "tradition." This, I believe, gives a lot of insight to traditional worship. I also think it explains why, as of late, I long for "traditional" worship.

Traditional worship is singing songs that connect you with other Christians, generally, and (in the case of my church) Lutherans, specifically. It connects you with the community of saints past and present (and hopefully future!) who have sung, sing, and will sing the same songs. It binds you together in a way that, I think, is often overlooked.

Traditional worship is reciting a creed--words carefully chosen 1500 years ago to explain core Christian beliefs. When we recite the creeds we are joined together, once again, with Christians reciting the same words today and those who have said them in the past. We are connected to early church theologians who were seeking to articulate the faith and defend it against heresy. To me, saying the creeds provides a bridge that spans centuries, geographical locations, and denominational differences.

Traditional worship is observing the Lord's Supper--eating the bread and drinking the wine together as a community along with churches worldwide who are also coming to the table. Additionally, when we eat and drink we are participating in the meal Jesus shared with his disciples, thus connecting us to Christ and his earliest followers.

Traditional worship is baptizing babies and/or new believers and remembering our baptism. Recently, I was given the opportunity to remember my baptism, along with everyone else in the congregation. Together, we dipped our hand in the water, made the sign of the cross, and remembered that God chose us and together, we have been baptized into the same community.

So, traditional worship is not so much about singing the right song to the right instrumental arrangement as it is singing the songs, reciting the creeds, uttering the psalm, etc. that connect us to other Christians around the globe and to the "great cloud of witnesses" that have come before us.

I think this is what draws me to traditional worship these days--wanting to be part of something larger than the 250 people who come to the service I attend, something that extends beyond the hip worship tune written in 2001. I want to participate in the traditions of the faith, as I experience what it means to be both Christian and Lutheran.